Broadway in Egypt?! Are You Kidding Me!

I have a very special play in my heart for both “Grease” and “West Side Story”, being two of the first Broadway musical adaptations to the big screen I’ve ever seen in my life, so when I was passing by the Opera House couple of weeks ago and saw that big fat ad about “Broadway comes to Egypt!” featuring songs from both plays, I simply couldn’t believe my eyes.

Now, I’ve never been to New York, let alone Broadway, but I consider myself well educated in the musicals, as I follow up with the latest and greatest of the Broadway shows, I don’t miss a single screen adaptation, and I – secretly and shamefully – know all famous Broadway songs by heart.


Thinking that the tickets are going to be super expansive, I didn’t even bother going to the Opera House to ask about it, but my well-informed network of friends told me that the tickets actually are in the range between 25LE and 10LE, and I thought to myself: Hell Yeah, and went to buy couple of tickets, still not totally believing that I’m actually going to see a Broadway production, and I considered myself lucky when the guy at the Opera ticket booth told me that I got the last two tickets for the Saturday show, while the Sunday show was fully booked.

Going there all dressed up was a pain, but I kept my spirit up by singing “You’re The One I Want” from “Grease” with my date, and got in the Opera House feeling slightly bad because of the bad seats I got, but who cares! I’m watching B’way.

At the door, they gave us a booklet with the names of people working on the show, and I was kinda relieved when I saw the name “Michael Parks Masterson” as the choreographer and stage director of the show, knowing that the guy worked in Broadway before, and played some major roles in different plays in the United States and Japan, I had the feeling that the show is not going to disappoint me, now that was a mistake, and the show did disappoint me.

The show turned out to be an end-of-the-year production for some drama club in AUC, expect for the times when this Michael guy and the Opera dancers were on stage, the rest of the show was a major Blah in the world of Broadway.

Most of the songs they choose to play from both “West Side Story” and “Grease” were the ballads, sang by the Opera singers, admitingly, some of them have incredible rage of voices, but Broadway is not about singing, Broadway is about the Showbiz, who cares if WSS’s Tony has an amazing voice if he can’t pull three dancing steps together, who gives a damn if Grease’s Danny can sing “Summer Nights” if he doesn’t have the ability to do some basic dancing steps.

Knowing what in his hands, the director of the show had to cancel some of the most amazing songs from both shows, and working by himself on the stage to give the Broadway show to one of the songs only, as he played the DJ Kenicke character, giving an amazing performance to the song “Greased Lightening”, but his efforts were lost in the long boring ballads and nonstop silly semi-dancing movements of his team.

The shocker was that some of the singers can’t actually pronounce English properly , giving the whole show a feeling of unprofessionalism to it, forcing you to disregard the big names on the cover of the booklet; American Embassy in Cairo, American Voices, Cairo Opera Company and – of course – Broadway.

A problem you can always put your fingers on whenever you see such a show in Egypt, they always seems like they ran out of time, they always work like they started preparing for this show the day before yesterday, and this show didn’t take enough time to prepare, giving it a feeling of a high school production rather than a Broadway show.

Let’s be honest here, having a Broadway show in Egypt is a dream long awaited, but to pull such a good idea you need to organize it, to work on it and sweat for it, to bring actual production to Egypt, not just have the logo of Broadway on your booklet.

I expect to be uplifted and entertained, which I had whenever real professionals took the stage, referring to the Opera House dancers and the American director, but whenever the show falls in the hands of the AUC kids, I just felt like falling asleep in my seat.

Egyptian Equality - NOT!

So, here I'm setting in the cafeteria, it's the break time, and after translating God-knows how many articles in the last three hours for work, I just wanna be left alone.


Of course you would know, if you were ever in one of this office's cafeterias, it's the right time for some people, with nothing better to talk about, to show off their new hunts of mobiles, and play the latest funny/tacky songs or videos they have to their friends in a show-off kinda way.

You actually can categorize people depending on what they play on their mobiles at these times, the three 30something boys there with naughty laughs are watching porn, the couple of people in the corner with wet arms after cleaning up for prayer are playing Quran or watching the latest fatwa from El-Shikh something-something-or-another on the mobile, and the younger generation are playing the latest song of Haifa Wahbi or listening to the latest funny video someone downloaded it from Youtube.com, and of course there's me, the guy who just wants to be left alone, drinking his Pepsi and almost dozing off.


eavdroping on the next group, half interested in the latest mobile joke they're playing I hear the fight starting:
- No! No! No! Haram (It's a sin), you have to delete this NOW!
- Oh! com'n .. it's not even mine, it's just a joke.
- NO! you can't make jokes about Quran reading, do you understand!?
Well, you see, the mobile joke the guy was playing was about someone talking normal stuff (I went to the market, I bought a carrot, and it tasted nice) but with a twist, he's saying all of that in the same tune of "singing" that they Shikhs do when reading Quran.
Tajweed, it's called, it's a way to read Quran in a beautiful rhythm, of course there's different ways and tunes, and of course there's the Egyptian reading and the Saudi reading etc. it's a huge science really, something that you study in school if you're raise Muslim.

I forgot about it, and got busy with my own mobile when I heard the conversation turns into actual laughs:
- Yeah, that's totally OK! it's actually funny!
- HaHaHaHa!
Ha ?! what is so funny?! I mean in the end of the day I'm still in Egypt, when anything that touches Islam is enough for you to be hanged ..
It turns out to be another joke of the mobile, this time the guy - same guy as before - is saying the same normal words, but this time with the same tune that Christian psalms are, and the people are laughing about it like crazy.
Hold on a second, are you serious now?! I had to get to that conversation, I had to say something:


- You know?! it's a religion as well, why you're not treating it the same way?!
- It's not my religion, they're wrong anyways so why not making fun of them!
- you're wrong in their eyes as well, why don't you allow them to make fun of you the same way you allow yourself to make fun of them.
- HEY! of course not! I care about my religion, it's the right one! Islam is the right religion and it's what God said.
- Well, Christ said that Christianity is the real deal, what difference does it make?! both you and a Christian man are getting your information from different sources but in the same way.
- Oh Shut Up! what do you know about Islam ?!
- I know enough, and anyways this is not about Islam, it's about social equality! where's the brotherhood of Egypt and the "The religions belongs to Gods, and the Land belongs to everyone else" ?!
- That's not what Islam says!
(Here, thankfully, couple of other people agreed with me that he was wrong, he should delete both jokes, of course, I believe that if he wants to keep the songs he shall, but not delete one and leave the other).

I left the cafeteria knowing that the guy didn't change his mind, he felt that everyone agrees with me because logic was on my side, but he still believe what he believes.

What do you think ?!

That's so Swine-Flu of you!

So, if you're living in the same galaxy as I'm, you would be well-informed about the swine-flu thing that's taking over people minds lately, it's more of a fashion thing actually, the swine-flu is the new black of summer 2009 and everyone is wearing masks.

Now, question, does anybody knows what "Swine Flu" really is?!
That is a very interesting question because, obviously, no body actually knows what that kind of sickness is, everyone is scared shitless of it, but no one understands it at all.

Like for example, the Egyptian government decided to kill all the pigs in the country, a whipping number of three hundred thousand plus pigs, amazing, right?! specially that none of them is actually sick, and that the virus doesn't depends anymore on the pigs, it's a person-to-person sickness now.


The government as well found it extremely funny when an Irish tourist and his mother landed in Egypt with a normal "Flu", but of course a single sneeze on the plane and everyone started screaming like little girls, the poor Irish guy did nothing wrong (other than being Irish of course, the damn red nose and weird English), and suddenly he found himself and his mother in the Fevers Hospital (mostashfa El-7meeyat) in Abbasya, a place I used to live near by, and to be honest, there's nothing healthy about it, the way I remembered, it's just scary looking.
of course, the guy had a normal influenza and was sent back home.

Interesting Ads were spread all over the metro in Egypt, asking people to avoid "crowded places", thous avoiding the swine flu, and I was wondering as I saw them if the people who created those ads actually took the metro before.

Egypt is a crowded place, really, really, really crowded, if you mange to avoid crowd you're actually a superman, a super-hero, a person who can tele-port or something.
Today I was talking to a friend who're traveling to the States for a month, a clubing trip he called it, and I was like "Yeah, please don't come back with Swine-Flu.


The problem with him coming back with the sickness is not the fact that he might spred it all over, not that all the company will be sick and no body would work, the problem would be that nobody knows what to do with it here, and most likly, if it actually breaks nobody will go on TV and tells you that, rather than a phone call on air in some goddamn local TV program to Mr. Healthy McHealth asking him about the rumers of spreading the sickness, and he, of course, asuring you that everything is safe and sound.

The Beauty and The Blogger

In what you might call a modern-day spin on the Beauty And The Beast fairytale, a cat-fight started couple of days ago in the event of "Miss USA pageant" between famous celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, and Miss California Carrie Prejean.
Perez - openly gay and known to be the owner of a very controversial blog - asked Miss California if she believes in gay marriage, which she replays with an answer he did not expect.
To watch the video, please click HERE


The 21 beauty started her answer complimenting her country, before stating her believes; a marriage is something between a man and a woman, for which was booed according to a latter-on interview with Perez Hilton, but the TV broadcast censored that.

Prejean didn't get the crown that night, taking the place of the first runner-up, which Miss North Carolina went home with the title.


On the other hand, Perez went home furious that night, didn't change his clothes, didn't bother to feed his dog, he jumped in front of his laptop camera and posted THIS video on his website, a blog that had more than three millions clicks over a day.

In the Video that lasted for 2.25 minutes, Perez went on calling the woman a damn bitch and a stupid person, assuring us that her answer should be the worst answer in the history of Miss USA pageant, which I'm sure he knows by heart.


To be honest, I'm sure Perez knew that the whole thing is not about his fight for homosexual rights or his hurt feelings over the answer he was given, it was about more clicks on his website, more gossip about himself over all TV channels, that was his re-born 15 minutes of fame, and he needed to take advantage of it asap.

The guy who calls a 15 years old singer a slut, and draw penises over people's mouth in his blog, got to be on Larry King Live two times in less than a week, three different interviews with other TV channels, Jimmy Kimmel - a famous comedian - made a parody about the whole incident, and people are talking, and talking and - yet more - talking.


The whole thing was a shallow superficial TV gossip, and everyone is taking his turn to show up, styling the thunder from the actual Miss USA, everyone is so into it to the extent of everything being ridiculously over-spoken about.

The whole thing has never been about a small group of people fighting for rights, it was about Perez Hilton and Miss California and the shallowness of the people following up, more clicks on the famous blogger website, more people tuning in to Fox News to see the interviews with the 21 years old woman, who makes sure to say the Lord's name every three seconds.

I don't think by any chances that the fight between people who want to accept gay people and the people who're not accepting gay people shouldn't be held between a silly 21 years old beauty queen and a 30something years old drama queen.
Both of them shouldn't be the face of such an important fight.

Metro, a Damned Book!

The book cover

"Metro", the first graphic novel in Egypt was released around this time last year, I didn't get to read it and I'm not sure what exactly is its plot but that doesn't change the fact that it's a book, a book that a writer and a illustrator made an effort to write, and it deserves to be published.

Mohamed Magdy, the artist behind the book

The book was banned in Egypt weeks after its distribution by Malamih publishing house, which also printed the book, and both the writer "Magdy El-Shafie" and the publisher "Mohamed El-Sharkawy" are up for a trial because of it ever since, the book - Naturally - is still banned here.

The Publisher

Unfortunally I couldn't attend the press conference that was held yesterday somewhere downtown Cairo to discuss the latest updates that took place durning the court session that was held couple of days ago, what I've heard through Facebook.com is that the trail was pushed to a later date and the whole supject is still bending at the moment.

Personally, I think that any book has the right to be published even if it was offensive to some people, any writer who has the creativity in him/her should be able to say whatever he/she feels like saying, and the debates between any two groups should take place in more neutral atmoshpere than a court.

The freedom of speech in Egypt is not a political concept at all, it's a human right that should be giving to anyone who's asking for it, a right to talk about any subject that any Egyptian can talk about without the fear of being pushed to court, or damned by any group of people, or even the leaders of any religion.

The book might be right in some places and wrong in others, I didn't read it so I wouldn't know, but no person should be banned or attacked because of his/her thoughts or the way it was expressed, and any creative act just be treated jently and with care.

and from now til that happens in Egypt, If ever, Metro would join a gorup of other books that was banned or attacked, a group that included some of the best Arabic writers in the world.
the list would start with "Nagib Mahfooz" and won't stop with "Metro".

First To Fight

For the first time in I dunno how many years a forward email actually was true.

usually I don't read the emails a certain person keeps on sending me, and I do have a reason for that other than totally hating that person (which I do!), and my reason would be the fact that 99.99% of his emails are about the conspiracy theory that Israeli people or American people are plotting to kill all the Arab (why?! are we more important that the Chinese for example?!).


This time, the email was about this new video game on Xbox, a game where the children has to shoot the "pages of Quarn" to gain more points and kill Islamic peaceful people to pass the time.
I was like "Yeah, Right!", shooting the pages of the Quarn won't be in a game for a simple reason, it's not challenging enough for young boys who're the main audience for such games!

I deleted the email, and started working, but I notice something, the name of the game the email was talking about does ring a bell, "First to Fight" you say ?!

I googled it, and what-do-you-know, here come the Wikipedia page of the game.
the game centers around Marine Corps Lance Corporal with the callsign Gladiator 2. The Lebanese Prime Minister becomes ill, and must temporarily leave office to recover. Seeing a prime chance to control Lebanon, Syria and Iran begin supplying a local militant group, the Atash Movement, led by Tarik Qadan. As things escalate, Marines are inserted into Beirut for the third time.

isn't an amazing plot ?! wow!
after all of those years making fun of myself being an Axe of Evil, I turned out to be one indeed.

I couldn't stop myself laughing when I read the following:
The game is not officially endorsed by either the US Department of Defense or the United States Marine Corps.

seriously now?!

I did get offended, giving the fact that I'm Syrian after all, and for more realistic reason as well, I just don't want a 12-year-old boy in Texas to hate me while playing a game and eating a burger.

GAYraini ..

Abdul-Fatah Graini raise to fame last year, with an album the blow minds and a style of hair more likely that you'll see it in the fabulous 60s rather than an Arab popstar.
Graini gained so much fame as the hip new singer, who really connect with young girls and hash smoking boys, he looked like one of them really, and made sense to them.
couple of days ago, Graini was throwing a concert in one of the Cairo downtown cafes, he did some OK job, and some people actually stoped him in the street asking him for photos.


Not that I disapprove or anything, it's always cute to see the love in the eyes of people, but, don't you find it really weird that Graini couldn't let go of the hand of his "friend" to take a photo, let's take a second look.


How lovely, another piccture just for you to get the "picture".


Oh Graini, darling, love is really in the air, and all this love songs you write and sing to impress young girls are just really true.
Doesn't that interview that Graini took couple of weeks ago, and talked about the "girl" of his dreams just has a whole different feeling to it now.

I kinda understand why some people in Cairo can be double faced, sometimes they're being themselves not expecting someone to see, but when they know someone is looking they take that "persona" they have created for themselves, it's really fine to decide to hide who you're from the eyes of the puplic specially in a city like Cairo.
I wish that someday people who're hiding behind a mask to be able to work in a certin carrer or have a semi-normal life style in Egypt to just drop that mask, but till then, Graini, sweetie, let the fuck go of your boyfriend hand, and try not to get killed, both carrer wise and actual wise.

Homie ?!

Today Show: Homie ?!
Starring: an editor who started working in my team for couple of months now, with the nickname "Mr.Smelly", and yours truly, Myself.

Take One, What was going on in my head when he called me "Homie":
- Did you just call me "Homie" ?!
I said that to him while I start to walk back, he looked at me stupidly and did not reply.
- let me assure you, mate, that we're not in a music video starring Flo Rida, and this is not your own version of "Fresh Prince Of Bel Air".
he did not understand what I was talking about, I did not care ..
- and, I don't think that you can actually have the right to criticize the way I work, the way I deal with you or with others, or even think of trying to befriending me by calling me "Homie".
he took a step back, and was trying to think of an answer, I didn't give him the chance.
- before you do all of that, maybe you should speak proper English.
he tries to take a step towards me, I took a step back:
- and before you can actually have chats with people, maybe you should take a shower.
I turned around and left him speechless.

Take Two, What actually happened in real life:
- Sorry, What did you just say ?!
I said that, calmly.
- Sorry, I thought that I can ...
I gave him my back and start walking:
- don't think, just do what I just told you to do ..

Why people are not free to tell other people what they really think ?!

The Exorcism of Oum Mohamed!

So, Here I am, standing in my kitchen, feeling all freaked out, and listening to the Islamic chanting of a man trying to get the "spirit" out of our bowaba (door-woman), looking at my roommates who, weirded out as well, stood there next to me, trying to understand what is going on.


It all started with Ray coming to my room and screaming at me to follow him, I was like "WTF" and he screamed at me again, while I was running to the kitchen, I had a list of the stuff that can go wrong, including - of course - a hoax from Ray, but I wasn't ready at all for what I was about to hear.

The voices were all smashed up first, I couldn't tell, as I was getting nearer to the kitchen window, what is exactly going on in our building, then I could tell there is a guy, screaming "Lord, She's hurt, Help Her", and a voice of a woman crying.
it took me a minute to understand what was going on, it was an exorcism, an Islamic one, going on in our building in the middle of Zamalek, a wealthy neighborhood in Cairo.
the woman started screaming, and the guy told her to "shut-up", asking her "We-ba3deen?" (where all this screaming taking you?!).
I went to Sarah's room, told her what was going on, she looked scared, but she followed me to the kitchen, half believing.

when I got back there, the woman was actually vomiting, you could hear her doing that, and the guy was actually hitting her! you could hear him doing it!
then, the guy started to call for prayer, which is an Islamic thing to do when you're preforming an exorcism, which caused her to actually vomit more, so he stopped to tell her that "Waga3" (I wish you more pain) and then continue with his chanting.
While we were doubting whether to call the landlord (or the police), the voices started to fade away, before the peaceful silence of Zamalek was back.
Ray brought the "blue eye" thing and hanged it on the kitchen window, Sarah thought it was something like knocking on the wood, I thought it's has more to do with our peace of mind.



Now, the Islamic exorcism, much like the Christian one you see in The Exorcist or in The Exorcism of Emily Rose, includes lots of chanting, some prayers, forcing special bread down the victms' throat and hitting them sometimes, to push the demon away.
There are parts of the Quaran that are usually used for such cases, like the parts where God reminds the Devil how He created Adam and ordered him to bow for the new born, in addition to tons of prayers for the Lord to push the devil out of this humble human, and asking for His mercy over this troubled soul.

I've never thought that I'll be able to hear one, but hey, you get to see a new thing everyday here in Cairo.